Car Woes

As a lot of people know, at the beginning of the month, I was in a car accident and totaled my Geo Prizm (aka Lucille). So...now I am without a vehicle and it SUCKS! I feel like I'm in high school all over again...needing my mom to drive me everywhere or only getting to borrow her car when she doesn't need it. Actually...this is even worse than high school, because I've had a car since I was 15; this is the first time I haven't had a vehicle in 13 years...wow. That's depressing.

If I had an unlimited amount of funding, car shopping would be awesome. I could get whatever I wanted and be done. But, because I'm trying to stay under $7,000 (so I can just buy the car outright and not need to go through financing), this is a pain in the ass, to say the least.

I actually really kind of want a woody Jeep Wagoneer. It's too bad they stopped making them in the early '90s. I've always wanted one, though (preferably navy blue, like the one on the far right). I can't find any for sale remotely close to me. Aside from that, those things usually have a V8, so I'd be spending lots of money at the pump. :( They remind me of the beach and California and summertime, for some reason.

I'm trying to find either a Volkswagen Jetta or Passat or a Ford Focus. I've been finding I either have to sacrifice mileage or the age of the car. I just want something that is from the early 2000s with around 100,000 miles. Why is this so hard to ask?!

Whoever said car shopping is fun never had to do so on a budget...

I Am Not My Body

I Am Not My Body

Staring at my naked reflection in the mirror,
I run my hands over
every bump,
every bulge,
every curve.
“I am not her,” 
I tell myself as I survey the damage.


Unruly, curly hair
with tendrils framing
a round face,
olive skin,
and deep, chocolate-brown
almond eyes,
the faint traces
of my Sansei pride.


I suck in my stomach,
my mind racked with “if onlys,”
noting just how flat it isn’t.
I’ve been sucker-punched so many times,
I’ve lost count.
But frankly, I wouldn’t change it for the world,
because if you never make mistakes,
you cease to make much of anything.


I turn to the side,
placing my hands firmly
on my wide-set hips.
They’re a pain in the ass,
but maybe someday
I’ll be thankful,
as I bring a new life into the world.


I turn to look at my back,
which is broader than I’d like it to be,
but it is with that very backbone
I learned to be steadfast and strong.


I bring my hands to my face.
They’re small, but perhaps 
the best tools God gave me,
for it is with them I speak
so much more than I can articulate
whenever I sit in front of my piano.
It is with them I pack every ounce of my love
into culinary creations and delectable desserts.


I zero-in on the scars strewn across my body,
evidence of battles fought,
battles won.
These are my ribbons.


My legs are short
and my thighs touch,
but it is with them
I’ve stood in the face of adversity.


My knees are scuffed,
but it’s only proof
that I found the courage to stand,
even with the possibility 
I may once again fall.


I turn my feet out,
examining them
and thinking what a pain it is
to find shoes since my accident.
Then I realize that it is with them
that I learned to walk not once as a child,
but twice at the age of 18.


I glance in the mirror again,
hoping to see a slimmer me,
for I’m a woman who is unfamiliar with
“straight sizes” at the department store.
Never have I gone to a rack of jeans
and pulled out a size 6,
nor have I felt the pleasure of being
frustrated that I couldn’t find a size small.


I’m so much more than meets the eye
and once more I will say, “I am not my body.”
But, then again, 
maybe I am.


Christina Ann Nelson

Roughing it for Dave

Look at all the people!

For one reason or another, I've been thinking a lot about my annual summer camping trip for DMB weekend. For those unfamiliar, every summer, Dave Matthews Band tours the country and they always do a two-night show at Alpine Valley in Fort Atkinson. Last summer was the exception, though...they did four regional shows across America. I wish I would have caught them in Chicago, but it was just not in the budget. I should probably mention that Alpine Valley is considered to be one of the "DMB Trifecta" venues. Along with Alpine, there's the Gorge in Washington and Red Rocks in Colorado. And yes, seeing DMB at those two locations are on my Bucket List. I can't explain how amazing it is to see DMB. Dave fans are a breed all their own. Alpine Valley is also kind of in the middle of nowhere; you're basically in the middle of the woods. So...you're watching this incredible band jam-out on stage, surrounded by 50,000 of your closest friends (because that's how Dave people are), having the time of your life dancing like fools, and then you look up and see the beautiful night sky. It's almost spiritual.

This summer is definitely going to be different. If they tour - and I hope they do, of course - I'll be going with an entirely different group of people. So...now I'm kind of...starting over.

Campsite from 2010

I've been putting together a list of items I'm going to need...I created a folder in my bookmarks and everything. In years previous, we had a great system down...I paid for the tickets and groceries and brought the tent and air mattress, and my camping buddy paid for the gas to get there, the alcohol, and brought the coolers. He also paid for our campsite. And now...I have a feeling I'm going to have to do a lot of purchasing...coolers, an air mattress (the last one had a leak, as we discovered the hard way), and probably a tent because the one we had used previously was borrowed from a family friend and it's starting to get pretty worn. Besides that, I would just like to own a tent. And that's not even all the small stuff...you don't realize how much you need when you plan a camping trip. Tiki torches, citronella candles, Off!, first aid kit, tiki torch fuel, ice, pillows, blankets, lawn chairs...ugh...the list goes on and on.

Over the years (I've seen DMB 4 times now), I've definitely learned food-wise what works when camping and what doesn't. In preparing meals, simplicity is key. I've seen stupid college boys try and make spaghetti at their campsite. No joke. And then like clockwork, there were piles of thrown-up spaghetti all over the place because pasta is not a good base when you drink as heavily as most people do while camping. For breakfast, we do yogurt and fruit. For lunch, sandwiches. For dinner, burgers cooked on a grate over the fire pit. Yeah, it's mundane, but it works like a charm every time. We bring granola bars and chips, too. The menu is basic, but it also keeps the grocery bill low.

Despite all the preparation that will ensue, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't totally excited for this summer (even though it's only February...shut up). We've gone to the same campground every year...it's this mom & pop place with a hole-in-the-wall bar just a short walk away and one of the owners of the campground plays in an awesome jazz/blues band. So at night, they get together and play and a lot of the people at the campground go to watch.

Trusty #15

This year, I'm keeping the tradition going and will probably take site #15 again. Why change now? Summer can't come soon enough...

Stuck in the Middle

Isn't it funny how when we're in the middle of something problematic, we feel like we're verging on the edge of a meltdown...and then once the air clears, we look back and think, "Now...what was I so worked up about? Everything is fine."

I had one such experience recently and while a lot of it was out of my control, I just needed to step back and breathe. Learning to silence my mind is a struggle for me. I'm trying every day to learn to be present, but it's so much easier said than done. As Baz Luhrman once said, "...know that worrying is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum."

I may never learn to see the forest for the trees. But, isn't that life? Trying to concentrate on the bigger picture is a constant battle. Some days, I only see colors and brush strokes...never the masterpiece in the making.