School sucks. Hard.

I am so completely over school. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I feel like I won't be happy in my chosen career (medical records) and I dread doing the ungodly amounts of schoolwork we have each day. Why don't I recall undergrad being this hard? I'm supposed to be good at school. This was supposed to be old hat for me. I don't get it. I feel so frustrated and hopeless some days, I just want to give up (or shoot myself in my leg...the bad one, obviously) just so I won't have to do this. Yeah...it's that bad. I start thinking about things like graphic design and how I wish I would've gone to school for that. Then I see other programs at school (like the surgical tech program) and think how cool it would be to do that. But...then I am reminded that maybe I'd have to stand for the entire procedure, and I'd be right back where I was eight years ago. Then I wish I would've stayed at UW-L and studied Student Affairs Administration. I think that's something I would be good at (I hate that I ended that sentence with a preposition, by the way). Then I remind myself how much time I would have to invest if I were to switch my program and how being a professional student isn't really feasible, and I also realize I'm running out of time for this shit. So. Super. Frustrating.

It's usually at this point that I'll look at apartments online, hoping to inspire myself to get it ("it" being school) over with so then I can live in one of these awesome places. Then, I'll mentally go over what I'm looking for in a place...lower of a duplex (or a small house), hardwood floors, dishwasher, washer and dryer in-unit, preferably a 2-bedroom.

Sigh. I am in the tunnel. Where is the end and where's this light I'm supposed to be seeing?

What If?

Anyone who knows me knows that I adore Grey's Anatomy. I've watched it since the beginning. I remember nights with Karina, when we'd get takeout from our favorite (and the best, hands down) Chinese place, China Star, during college. We'd order three or four different things off the menu and create our own mini-buffet as we put aside our books and settled in for some delicious food and the latest Grey's. It was the best study break.

In this week's upcoming episode, Meredith wonders what her life would be like had she chosen a different path. So...the episode is this alternate universe, so to speak. I'm really looking forward to it and I think it'll be a nice diversion from the usual love triangles and drama.

Also, it got me thinking about my own life. What if my father had never died? What if I had chosen to stay in public school for high school? What if I would've had the money to go to Augustana (it was my top choice for college...even with the $50,000 scholarship I was awarded, I still couldn't afford to attend). I settled on a state school in an unfamiliar town. All I knew was that my mom had wanted to go there (she used to visit La Crosse during the summer to see her grandma) and they were one of the few schools in the state with cadaver labs and a Physician's Assistant program. Though I had gotten in at Marquette, UW-Milwaukee, and UW-Madison, I decided on UW-La Crosse.

And then the summer between high school and college, I got into my car accident. After re-learning how to walk, I started my college career a semester late. While I tried to get through my science courses (I was still on the PA-track), I couldn't finish labs and was finding my physical impairments to be very problematic and a real concern. So...I switched majors. I had always excelled in school, but my real passions were science and English (and yes, I know what a strange combination that is). I decided to try secondary education in English. A class I took one semester completely opened my eyes and made me realize that teaching was not for me. So...I switched majors again. This time, settling on communication studies with an emphasis in public relations and organizational communication and because I had racked-up so many English credits from before, I just made English my minor. I figured communication would be a very versatile degree. I mean, communication is such an integral part of every day life, afterall.

After graduation, I was well on my way. I had completed an internship with the office of a congressman during undergrad and before I had even graduated, I lined up an internship with Jacobson Rost Advertising & Marketing in the PR department. I loved it there. Before the conclusion of my internship, I secured a job with a boutique PR agency in downtown Milwaukee. Every day was exciting and allowed me to exercise my creative muscle. Then the economy took a shit. After being laid-off for eight months, I found a job as a copywriter and PR Account Coordinator at a completely in-house marketing agency (technically, they're a branding firm, but most people outside of "the business" don't know what "branding" is, so "marketing agency" is much more user-friendly). Then, three months later, I was laid-off again. See, businesses started to trim the fat...and while I wildly disagree (of course, I'm going to be a bit biased, here), they thought PR and advertising were one of those areas they could afford to do without or learn to do for themselves. So many businesses that were outsourcing to agencies scaled-back and unfortunately, people had to go. I was one such person. After taking some time to try to find a new job, which was fruitless, I made the decision to return to one of my passions, medicine. Rather than be on the practicing end of things, I would work in the office with medical records, as this would be much more accommodating to my physical demands (I can't stand for more than an hour before my feet get fatigued or go numb).

But...what if I never would have gotten in the car that day? What if I never had my accident? What if I had decided to go ahead and rack-up debt in student loans and attend Augustana?

I never would have had this extremely life-altering experience (the hospital, the surgeries, losing my sister). I never would have met my best friend in college (which was totally fate at work...we were randomly assigned roommates). I would have never pursued a profession that's left me unemployed (but yet, with which I was madly in love).

What if we never lost the people we swore we'd be friends with forever? What if everything stayed the same?

My best friend from high school told me something semi-recently that I will never forget: life is in the right. Always.

And it is. So...rather than fight against it, go with it. You just may end up somewhere completely unexpected... You may even be deliriously happy. Or, you could be miserable. Either way, tomorrow will dawn and you'll get a whole new chance to make choices. See where they lead you. Enjoy your adventures...

Herbivore, Part Two

For whatever reason, I've been thinking a lot about my dream job, to own a spice shop. I had previously written this post about it. I imagine that my little shop would be either in Bay View or maybe downtown. It'd have one of those tin ceilings, which I adore. The decor would be vintage and it'd be obvious (to those who know me and my sense of style, anyway) that it was mine.

I thought of a really great idea the other day. Each week, I'd feature a certain spice or herb. I would showcase a recipe utilizing that spice or herb each day, and I'd have samples for the customers to try, just so they could get a feel for the versatility of said spice/herb. For example, maybe someone doesn't like oregano. But...they're cooking a mediterranean-style meal, so they're curious about what they could use instead. Marjoram has a similar flavor profile, but it's a lot milder. They could taste it for themselves and see if that'd be a better option for them. Have you ever thought of adding coriander to your Mexican-inspired dishes? Did you know it's actually ground-up seeds of cilantro? Makes sense now why it complements Latin dishes, right? In fact, just recently, I made a dinner with dried thyme. Never having really used dried thyme, I tried it out. I liked everything about what I made, except for the thyme. Now, had I known that prior, maybe I would have opted for fresh thyme or even saved myself a few bucks and left it out altogether.

I also think it'd be really cool to have a "make-your-own-marinade" corner of my store. I could help people put together flavor combinations and maybe even do workshops once-a-month, where customers could learn about the herbs and spices and why some combinations work and others don't. They'd be able to create several marinades based on their taste preferences or certain flavor profiles.

Maybe I'd even branch out a little bit and have an in-store oilery. For instance, did you know that extra virgin olive oil is best for salad dressings and marinades, while pure olive oil is what you want for sautéing and stir-frying?

I need to get some investors...