And so it begins...

We had been planning this for weeks.

I stood in the bathroom in my nylons and bra, carefully adjusting every hair on my head. I went through the ritualistic steps of applying my make-up: first tinted moisturizer, then concealer, then eyeshadow, tightline my upper lids, then fill-in my eyebrows, apply liquid eyeliner, blush, powder bronzer, and finally mascara. I looked past my reflection and met his gaze in the mirror. "What?" I coyly asked. He smiled and said, "It's sexy to watch a woman get ready. Men...it's like...10 minutes and we're good to go. You take time and have fun with it. I can tell...you like to get ready to go out." I didn't deny it. I think a lot of women enjoy the process. It's relaxing. I slipped on my dress...a wrap-dress I got for the bargain price of $19.99 several years ago. Though it's getting too big, it's still one of my favorites. Plus, it has sleeves and when it's the dead of winter in Wisconsin, that's everything. I closed the clasp of the necklace around my throat and put on a pair of black earrings. Finally, I applied my lipstick. A bold, intense red. I stepped out of the bathroom and put on a pair of platform peep toe shoes. I was having trouble deciding which of the two pairs I brought along to wear. I slid my feet into the other pair. Slingback, peep toe, black wedges. These were more comfortable. I wasn't 100% sure about the bow across the toes, though. He commented, "The other pair." I put the first pair back on and he was right...these definitely looked better...even if they pinched a little.

Midway through our meal, my eyes met his. "Mmm...man." I heard him say under his breath. "What?" I asked, innocently. "Nothing," he continued, "you just look really beautiful."

I was elated.

What a difference a day makes.

Over the past 24 hours, I have been on quite the emotional roller coaster. With that, of course, comes awareness of what is important to me and my journey on this planet. Though there are material possessions that I love dearly and am proud of the fact that I reached a point in my life that I could attain them, possessions are of this world. They are finite. I've also realized how incredibly lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. Like anyone, I don't get along with every member in my family perfectly or every co-worker with whom I'm surrounded every day...but...that's life. Those people were given to me by God to challenge me. To make me grow. To help me figure out who I am and what I want. Challenges and blessings are both amazing opportunities. Sure, it's easier to embrace the blessings than the challenges, but it's the nitty-gritty details in life that give you character and endurance.

I will make it through this. Life isn't always easy. But, it's always worth it.

The Ghost of Christina Past

I'm trying to pick a place to live. I can't decide. A year ago, I could've told you exactly where I wanted to live. I loved the neighbors, loved the area, loved the shops, bars, and restaurants. And now? I haven't set foot there since February. The thought of going back there gives me anxiety. I need to find a new neighborhood to love. It's like your memories attach themselves to particular places and tactile objects in your possession. I hear voices echo in the back of my mind of people I used to love...and probably still do on some level...but I know them no longer. People I came to know as the ones who would do anything for me. They were my family. Now...not so much.

I just want to retreat to a corner of the world and sleep for days. I need a break.

What's on the horizon?

You know that feeling that things are about to change (for the worse)? That nagging feeling of impending doom? Yeah...that's me right now. I have this gigantic fear of losing something (and, someone I love so dearly). There is so much shit in this world...when we come across something special and rare, it's only natural that we want to hold it close to our hearts and the fear of losing it...well...it can be really scary. I can't say for certain...but I just have a feeling. I hate that...it's got me up nights. Let's hope it goes away soon.

At least I'm one day closer to the weekend. Crap...I work this weekend (first weekend all by myself in the department). Dammit. Let's hope I don't burn the hospital down...

Baby Penguins Cure Everything

Sleep solves everything, too.

Linens and (Other) Things

I've been meaning to post about this for about a week, but work's got me all sorts of wiped out lately! Last weekend, my new sheets came from The Company Store. They're 100% cotton jersey sheets in gunmetal grey. They're sooooo soft...just like a giant T-shirt. I chose this color because it matches both the comforter I use for the warmer months and the comforter I use for the cooler ones. Definitely a purchase I'm glad I made.

I read an article recently about the worst word in the English language (according to the author, of course). She said it's "panties." I have to say, I disagree. I think "panties" is sexy, and yes, I use it in every day conversation. I don't like using terms as plain as "underwear" to describe a woman's underthings. "Panties" sounds delicate, much like the frilly, lacy, sometimes-barely-there-intimates a woman wears; it sounds pretty to me.

I hope this weekend finds you well. I slept 15 hours last night. It was glorious, and no, I will not apologize for it.

Killing Me Softly...

Have you ever felt yourself so consumed in something, you knew it was practically eating your soul? I came to that realization today. I sat around all morning, just stewing, when I paused...took a breath...and said to myself, this is consuming me. The impossible part is that I know the solution; I know how to make things better. It's the acceptance of that solution...the actual going through with it...that I can't bring myself to do. I honestly don't think I have it in me. But...I don't know how much longer I can deal with the consuming rage that is taking chunks out of my soul, either.

To getting out alive...

Jeff VanVonderen Would Be Proud

Today at work, I helped a woman track down her health records and put together a copy for a substance abuse treatment facility in Minnesota. She's going there for inpatient treatment of her alcoholism. For one reason or another, it made me feel really good to help her. I could tell she was really grateful and when we were wrapping up, she said, "Thank you so much. I really hope you have a great day." It doesn't seem like much, but it meant a lot to me. I got to play a part in her recovery, which I think is awesome. This is the first step in her wellness. I admire her for seeking out help; getting clean isn't easy. It takes balls to go through that. I know that from my personal experience, withdrawal can be hell. I would love to work in a treatment facility as an RN. I think I would make a good nurse. Too bad you have to be on your feet nonstop for 12 hours a day. But, helping people who truly need and WANT your help would be so rewarding. Seeing the impact you have on others every day would really make the job worthwhile. I wish that woman all the best in her journey to sobriety.

Not Your Momma's Oatmeal

I know the summer has barely come to a close. I know the average temperatures are still in the 70s and 80s. I know most kids aren't even back to school yet (come tomorrow, though...). However, I just can't shake my excitement for fall! As I leave for work early each morning, the little chill in the air is a small reminder that the BEST season is surely on its way. I love the changing leaves, the scent of autumn, fall decorations, fall foods (I'm a HUGE fan of soups and stews), Halloween is my favorite holiday, and then, of course, there's my birthday. :)

Since I LOVE to sleep, I roll out of bed 20 minutes before I have to leave for work...I do as much as I can at night...shower, pack my lunch...everything. Also, when you wear black scrubs to work every day, picking out your work clothing isn't exactly rocket science, so it takes me literally 2 minutes to get dressed. Because of my penchant for sleep, I really don't have a whole lot of time in the morning to eat breakfast. I keep Pop-Tarts at work to toast in the cafeteria, but I need something new (but still quick). So...I've been eating oatmeal once I get to work. I like the pre-packaged type well enough, but as I sat eating my oatmeal on Friday, I started thinking about the ways I could improve upon it.

Enter baked berry oatmeal. I've never made baked oatmeal in the past, but I was always intrigued. One of the high points of baked oatmeal is that you can make it in advance and just reheat portions as you need them.Thanks to the steel-cut oats, this stuff stays with you for awhile, ensuring you'll be good to go until lunchtime. My favorite part is the topping...a dollop of vanilla yogurt topped with warm strawberry jam. Did I mention there are strawberries laced throughout the oatmeal itself, too? Because there are...

Baked Berry Oatmeal

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup steel-cut oats

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

2 cups milk

1 egg, beaten

1/3 cup applesauce

1/2 cup oil 

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup brown sugar

2 cups strawberries (fresh or frozen)

Garnish

Strawberry jam, warmed

Vanilla yogurt, regular or Greek

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. In a large bowl, stir together rolled oats, steel-cut oats, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. Set aside.

3. In a medium bowl, combine milk, egg, applesauce, oil, honey, and brown sugar. Add to oat mixture and stir until combined (it will seem like it's too wet, but the oatmeal will soak it up in the oven).

4. Pour into a greased 2-quart dish.

5. Bake for 20 minutes.

6. Remove from oven, stir, and mix in berries.

7. Bake for 20 more minutes,  or until lightly browned. Spoon into bowls and serve with a dollop of yogurt and warm jam on top.

Enjoy with a steaming mug of joe on a cool, still morning.

Six Degrees of Separation

At work, I had forgotten my password for an application, so I called Information Services (IS) to get them to change it for me. After I got off the phone, Barb came over to my desk. She said, "Did I hear you say your name is Christina Nelson?" I said yes. She then said, "Are your parents Steve and Dawn Nelson?" Again, I said yes. She said, "I think my ex used to work with your dad." I asked what her ex-husband's name was and she said, "Pat O'Hearn." I started tearing up immediately (as did she) and we both said, "Oh my God!" My dad and Pat were really good friends and they did, in fact, meet through work. I had been to her house numerous times when I was a kid and I vividly remember playing with her daughters, Leah and Jacie. Small world, indeed!

So...I know it's been f o r e v e r since I've updated this thing. Work has got me so busy. I'm gone 12 hours a day (well, almost...11.25) and by the time I get home, I just want to eat dinner and crash-out on the couch. I've been helping to plan our 10-year high school reunion and it's been slow goin' because I just never have time to do anything! Also, it's hard to plan something with someone who's on the other side of the world. See, I was our class secretary and treasurer and Kristen (who was our class vice-president) lives in Australia. We've literally planned this whole thing via e-mail and Facebook messages. Our class president pretty much came right out and said he'd help, but he didn't plan on attending (read: he hasn't been of much help at all).

That's pretty much been my life lately...work. Sorry I don't really have more exciting things to discuss. I really love my job, though. And, it's going really well. I couldn't have asked for a better position.

Time to find something for dinner!

Singles vs. Couples

So...as many people know, I started a new job this week. More on that later. At lunch one day, one of the girls asked me if I had a boyfriend or if I was married. I kind of laughed and said that I haven't been serious about a guy in a long time (well, save for one guy). She nodded and then was quick to point out that though she and her husband had been married for 8 years (together for 14), they "have [their] own lives." It got me wondering why she felt it necessary to qualify her marriage. I certainly don't care if someone has been married for a number of years at our age...more power to them. Maybe she thought I was avoiding a relationship or marriage, so she felt the need to dumb hers down. Who knows. I just found that interesting.

Work has been...intense. It's a lot to know and very involved. Plus, I didn't exactly go to school for my position (medical records specialist). I didn't lie to get the job or anything like that. Over the course of my schooling, I took a handful of classes on medical records, but I went to school mostly for medical transcription. I applied to this position on a whim, probably just thinking it wouldn't hurt (I actually don't remember applying to this position...I had a very large fear I wouldn't find work after graduating and therefore, applied like a madwoman to open healthcare positions). This position is largely a HIM position. There's a lot to know and very little downtime to regroup and do nothing for a moment. Plus, I'm on my feet a lot more than I realized I'd be. Not that I'm complaining. When I walk through the door each evening, though, it does look like I just got done with football practice, the way I'm limping so badly. But, I just keep telling myself that this is the most I've been on my feet (in a day) in at least 3 years, so it'll take some getting used to, but eventually, it won't be so bad.

Orientation = Syllabus Day

Job orientation is very similar to the first day of classes for the semester...you get an overload of paperwork and information which everyone forgets five minutes after walking out the door. Let's not forget the endless powerpoints in which the presenter will read to you everything that appears on the overhead screen (which is mind-numbing at best). A powerpoint on hand washing? Really?! Facts about medical errors? Isn't this why I went to school? If there is a code pink called (child abduction), call security if you encounter crying coming from a book bag. No shit. As I sat in the darkened conference room, fighting off the urge to sleep and trying to quiet my rumbling stomach as I smelled lunch, I wished hard for the super power of time travel. Sadly, as I looked at the clock, willing the hands to move faster, it was only 11:42. Sigh. Five more hours. At least there's only one day of this nonsense. And hey, at least I have a job for which I need orientation. And...I got free swag. Pens and stress balls for everyone!

A Job! Finally!

Well, after all my work with going back to school and everything, I am proud to say I am back to being a contributing member of society...I have a job.

I am the medical records specialist at Columbia St. Mary's Hospital. I will be working at all three campuses. I have a physical on Tuesday, and I have orientation on the 18th, which is my official start date.

Life seems better already...

Summer Weekend Outfit

Summer Weekend Outfit by tinseltiara featuring cropped capri pants

The Return Home, Day 1.

My mom had knee replacement surgery on her right knee on Friday, June 1. She returned home from the hospital last night around 8 p.m. Let me tell you...I have a whole new respect for those live-in nurses. I can also see how caring for a family member who can't do much for themselves totally becomes a full-time job. It's been 11 hours, and I. Am. Wiped.

I'm used to cooking her meals, so that's really nothing new. But, I'm not used to playing housekeeper, waitress, and nurse. It's weird having to serve and clean up after your own mother. Then there's the injections twice a day (don't want to get a blood clot)...setting my alarm every 4 hours to administer pain meds (even through the night)...being at her side every time she gets up (because once she sits back down, she needs your help)...driving to PT...bathing her...dressing her...the list goes on. Not that I'm complaining. She's my mom and I love her and she more than took care of me when I was in a similar situation 10 years ago (along with the majority of my life...because she is, afterall, my mother). It's just a lot of work.

Also, it's hard to see someone you love in pain (to the point that she's crying). I'm used to me being in pain, but not used to seeing her break down. It makes me want to take her pain on for her. But, I know that's impossible.

It's only the first week, so I know it will get easier from here. I'm just glad I don't start work this week and have the ability to be here to help her.

And Today's Lesson is...

ASSUME = ASS + U + ME.


The end.

What's Going On?

I checked my Google News ticker this evening, as it had been some time since I'd last read up on what's going on in the world (there were 52 new stories) and these are the headlines I saw (seriously...no editing was done here):

• Ohio men indicted in adoptive father rape case
• Lee's Summit toddler died after being left in car all day, police say
• ICE agent killed after disciplining son, 14, law sources believe
• Ill. Senate votes to end Legislative scholarships
• Slain ICE agent's 14-year-old son arrested on suspicion of murder
• Pa. man in jail for 1966 slaying commits suicide
• Lynn man nabbed on mom, grandma murder charges
• Detroit police holding, questioning 2 men in slaying of women linked to online ads for escorts
• Baby Avery, whose parents created 'bucket list,' dies
• 2 teen girls sunbathing on Pa. road struck by car

...it just goes on and on! What the hell are we doing to each other?! And to ourselves?! Nearly every headline on there is about someone killing (or harming) someone else! There's so much hate in the world. It makes me sick.

Totally Random.

So, everyone knows that once you select a program in undergrad, you tend to see a lot of the same people in your courses. Well...I was a comm. studies major and English minor. For whatever reason, I started thinking about this guy today (I think his name was Eric. Aaron? Alex? Evan? Something like that...) who was in a lot of my English courses at UW-La Crosse. He was so smart and so well-versed. His writing was impeccable. Anyway, I remember how sometimes, he'd talk about his family. He was married the entire time I knew him, and he had a child. I don't know how I found out, but I learned through other people that his child wasn't actually his. His wife used to be his roommate and she got pregnant by her boyfriend at the time. Apparently, her boyfriend wanted nothing to do with their child and left her, so Eric/Aaron/Alex/Evan/Whoever ended up marrying his roommate and adopted her baby.

Don't ask me why I thought of that, because I have no idea. I just always thought it was so noble, gallant, and romantic.

Summer Outfit by Christina

Summer Outfit by Christina by tinseltiara featuring peep toe sandals

Weekend Outfit by Christina

Weekend Outfit by Christina by tinseltiara featuring a striped cardigan

Summer outfit by Christina

Summer outfit by Christina by tinseltiara featuring chain jewelry

Work Outfit

Work Outfit by tinseltiara featuring wedge heels

Since when can a pizza break your heart?

I walked down a frozen food aisle and stared into each glass pane, passing brightly colored boxes until I found what I was looking for...the best frozen pizza ever. Undoubtedly, I'm talking about Home Run Inn (the uncured pepperoni one, of course). I remember the first time we ever made one together and I let you in on my secret...piling on fresh vegetables before sticking it in the oven. It's magic every time. Then I had a thought...now you're going to be making pizza with her instead of me. What if she thinks it's "your thing" you do together...but really...it was "our thing"? I wanted to cry right there between the DiGiorno and the Jack's. Surely, people would think I was nuts. What is so sad about frozen pizza and why is this girl making a scene? I felt like I was losing everything that was ours...Lisa's, Cielito Lindo, China Hut, penguins, late night trashy TV. I still feel all of it slipping through my grasp. And the tighter I hold on, the faster it leaves. I just want to wake up holding your hand one more time. But, I know it won't be enough. It never is.

Work Outfit

Work Outfit by tinseltiara featuring formal tops

Mercy

Don't give up,
I know you can see
all the world and the mess that we're making.
Can't give up
and hope God will intercede.
Come on back,
imagine that we could get it together.
Stand up for what we need to be,
'cause crime won't save our feet or hungry child. 
Can't lay down and hope no miracles change things.
So lift up your eyes,
lift up your heart.

Singing mercy, will we overcome this?
Oh, one by one, could we turn it around?
Maybe carry on just a little bit longer,
and I'll try to give you what you need.

Me and you and you and you
just want to be free, yeah.
But, you see all the world is just as we've made it.
And until we got a new world,
I got to say that love is not a whisper or a weakness.
No, love is strong.
So, we got to get together, yeah.
Gotta get, gotta get, gotta get
'til there is no reason
to fight.

Mercy, will we overcome this? 
Oh, one by one, could we turn it around?
Maybe carry on just a little bit longer,
and I'll try to give you what you need.

Mercy, will we overcome this?
Oh, we've come too far to turn it around.
Oh, and asked too much to be a little bit stronger.
But, I want to give you what you need.

Mercy, what will become of us?
Oh, one by one, could we turn it around?
Maybe carry on just a little bit longer,
and I'll try to give you what you need.

Work Outfit

Work outfit by Christina by tinseltiara featuring taupe pumps

Weekend Outfit

Weekend outfit by Christina by tinseltiara featuring dangle earrings