Learning to be Laid-Back

According to a friend, I need to learn how to "chill out." I was talking to him the other day, when he called me "Princess Facebook." For one reason or another, it bothered me. I tried to explain that I didn't think he realized how much I'm not on there, but then he stated that it was other people who were telling him this information. I paused, wondering how it was anyone's business to concern themselves with how I spend my time and then to sit around and discuss it behind my back. I continued on, trying to defend myself, only to realize I was illustrating his point without trying. I worry so much about what everyone else is saying about me. I just need to relax and let it go. He told me that I have to realize that people are going to talk about you your whole life. I agreed with this statement, adding that if they were true friends, they'd say whatever they had to say behind my back, to my face.

A few weeks ago, I came across a website called Inspiration and Chai: Warmth for the soul and for the body. On it, a nurse in palliative care discusses the five most common regrets the dying have when they're in their final days:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life more true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Lately, I've been finding numbers one and five especially relevant for me. Sometimes, I feel like I do things because they're expected of me. I'm not talking about basic, humane things that everyone ought to do. I just mean things that I'm supposed to do because I'm Christina. This largely applies to my family, rather than to any other group of people in my life. It's difficult to articulate. I guess you just have to be a Nelson to know what I mean.

As for number five, I sometimes forget that happiness is a choice; you have to consciously decide to be happy, it's not just some random occurrence that happens to you on some idle Tuesday. It's easy to feign happiness, but true joy comes from deciding to let go of old patterns and habits and allowing yourself to laugh and smile.

So, sometimes, I have to remind myself that what so-and-so thinks isn't important or that such-and-such thing isn't really worth getting worked up over. And here I thought being laid-back and relaxed was supposed to be just that...relaxing.